It's Getting Old

106 days since my last day of work.  In the first few weeks, I was purposeful , making appointments and lists of things to accomplish, and then actually doing some of them.  I aggressively applied for jobs, kept in touch with former colleagues and told whomever would listen of my state of unemployment.

But as the weather improved I turned more to gardening and sitting outside and exercising.  I am exploring all the different sightlines of the backyard, where I can look up from my book and see the rose's pink explosions, and where my neighbor's catalpa tree with its enormous droopy leaves can be enjoyed.  In the old working days the garden was just an outdoor list of tasks and an unobtainable vision of Edenlike splendor I imagined moving toward.  Now, in this lucky summer of excellent weather, I really have nothing better to do than enjoy the squirrels running their avenues of fenceline, and the zooming hummingbirds zipping between neighbors' feeders.  I don't think I have felt this simplicity since childhood.

I have a theory that the world of work is a cleverly designed illusion where we are convinced to willingly perform arduous tasks that fill nearly all our time, in exchange for treasure that we can trade for other treasure.  The truth is that the system only works because the treasure we get is worth less that the time we give to obtain it.  No matter how much we earn, the desire for treasure ratchets up so that we keep working for more.  Maybe it is all a very sensible plot by social engineers to keep us out of trouble, but go off the tracks like I have and you begin to see behind the curtain.  Pardon the now banal comparison, but the movie, the Matrix is much on my mind.

Although I know that eventually new money will be required and somehow I must locate a job, I still regret my best decades were devoted to a job that now seems besides the point.  Alternatively, my next best decade is now and I am determined to enjoy it properly.   There are plants to water, words to string together, and colors to be dabbled in.  Time does not wait.